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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

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INTO THE GREY

Today we take a different path. Some consider it the road less traveled. On this journey, the line walked between “right” and “wrong”  is neither distinct nor constant. There exists a flux. In it, black and white dance in unison; now and again the essence of each bleeding into the other. Small, sporadic blotches litter the path, marking our footsteps, left by each decision made. Sometimes there is a blur; a blending leaving us in a wondrous, obscured envelopment of grey. Intermittently throughout life,  I have delved into this realm. Dabbled and played. So, what better place to start than...

The Curse.

Simply put, The Curse is what I perceive as my attraction of “unavailable” women. In terms of unavailability, I mean those already taken, attached in marriage or long-term, serious relationships. Sure as shit, emotionally unavailable men and women are a dime a dozen. I’ve encountered my fair share, and sometimes have been the culprit. I may even fall into that category now.

Ever since out of high school it seems I attract those who are already hitched and/or dating. This isn’t exclusive to just me, naturally. I am sure many out there experience this. Sometimes as the seeker, sometimes the recipient. I use “seeker” loosely, because not everyone is purposefully trying to meet new people with the goal of sleeping with them in mind. People are just attracted to one another, it is human nature.

When I have been single during these moments, I find that my moral compass becomes begrudgingly confused; barely ever while involved with someone myself - unless the relationship is on the way out, or long been dead. I will admit to having relations with those who were already involved with another. Relations not necessarily meaning sex, but being intimate in other fashions. In the end, still considered a breach of their current relationship. Many of these excursions took place in my mid-twenties while I was exploring the dating scene.

Almost all of my dating has taken place exclusively online, or at the workplace. I never, and still don’t, hit the bars and nightclubs looking to hook up. I believe the “online” aspect is what opened up this scenario and exposed it more fully to me. Many women, unhappy in marriages or relationships, being able to more accessibly reach out and connect with others. I always viewed it as questionable, considering the factors involved; specifically people. While I never want to hurt anyone in these instances, I know that a lot of the issues don’t directly involve me. The issues revolve around the marriage or couple, and their inability to understand, accept, or work on them.

Does this mean you should lock up your lady-folk if The Jak comes around? No, not necessarily. This isn’t exactly a raging epidemic in my life, and I’ve always had a set of rules or boundaries.

The Rules (If we can call them that):
  • I don’t cross this line with those I care about/love. Basically, friends and family. Those I am close to on a personal level, especially when knowing the guys (if these are lady friends).
  • I don’t initiate the process. Hell, I can’t even initiate when dating in general, so maybe this is just a situational rule? Either way, I think it would stick even if I were more “suave” … Yeah.
  • After stating the last rule, I find my inner-self at odds; forcing me to acknowledge it is one I sometimes break.
  • Yeah, let’s just stick with the first rule.

So, there is no cheating with or stealing of women from family and friends. If knowing the guys on the opposite end, or liking them, naturally it makes anything harder to do; at least for me it does, so I simply avoid it. My moral compass doesn’t malfunction in those situations. If not familiar with said men, or they are just pricks and I dislike them? Well, then the blurring and adventures into the grey would take place.

As time went on, and I grew up... or... whatever has slowly been taking place over the last decade... I began to feel even more morally conflicted about those scenarios. Concerned about those on the other end of said “affair,” or act, being hurt; even those I didn’t know or care for. Am I afraid of Karma? Not necessarily, being I truly believe intent plays a large role in it, and never is my intent to specifically harm or hurt someone else. If Karma was based off anything that hurt people, which is often based on perception, we would all be fucked. Though, there is something to be said about having an awareness of it all.

Now I find myself wanting to help the individuals with their situation. Talk things out, and make them think about their place in life and the actions they want to take. This can really annoy women, I have found, when they are attempting to go down this path. Reality is, sometimes people are unaware of the true reasons pushing them along. Some, however, are full fledged aware, willing, and wanting. More power to them.

So I guess the main aspect to have changed is my desire to “talk it out” before proceeding, compared to when younger and I would just jump in. Also, the understanding that doing so is extremely unlikely to ever result in a healthy, long-lasting relationship. So naive when young, thinking these women and I would live happily ever after. There are always exceptions, sure, but they are few and far in between. It all depends on the individuals involved.

So what prompted these musings? Currently, a handful of situations have arisen and presented themselves. Situations that call for decisions to be made. Individuals subconsciously beck and call; natural attractions pulsing. The line begins to blur.

The Grey calls out, with a seductive sway, “Dabble Jak, come out and play.”

1 comment:

Oh My Nuts! Leave a message already, would ya?!

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