A to Z 2014 Banner

A to Z 2014 Banner

Friday, May 3, 2013

Widgets

BEDiM 2013 : DAY 3

(A Blog Every Day in May 2013 Challenge Entry)

Alright! This prompt doesn’t feel like it will be overly difficult or intimidating. I still should be getting these out a lot earlier than I have been. Cutting it close to midnight every time is for the birds! Owls to be more precise. This has been a crazy, hectic week. With work, A to Z wrapping up (and STILL catching up on blogs and comments), and cleaning/rearranging my apartment it’s been exhausting. Yet, I jump right back into the fire with the Blog Every Day in May Challenge. My wiring must be off.

So today’s prompt seems simple enough...

Day 3, Friday: Things that make you uncomfortable.

Considering I have Social Anxiety, I think I can cover this one. This is because most anything outside of the house (and routine) has the potential to make me feel uncomfortable; mostly situations dealing with crowds or strangers. Many of my friends believe this is a figment of my imagination, because when hanging out I can be very outgoing.

I describe this as being an Extroverted Introvert. When in the right situation (usually among friends/family) I feel very comfortable and, in turn, am very outgoing — sometimes annoyingly so. When in a larger group, or around strangers, not so much.

So these are some situations that make me uncomfortable — whether with close friends or not — in my daily life to life and/or social interactions.

Wanna Go to the Bar?

This is kind of the pinnacle of my anxiety. Tons of people and noise. I’ve never been one to handle things at a loud volume that didn’t involve music, and sometimes even then (naturally dictated by my taste in music). I don’t like loud voices, laughs, yelling, etc etc. Sometimes, within fun situations, I am not bothered by them. These factors can make or break who I date, as much as who I hang out with. All depends on the individuals I suppose.

The crowd factor I’ve been working on for some time. I’m way better than it used to be. I used to always believe people were thinking badly about me. “Oh god, look at this guy. Why does he dress like that?” “Yeah, I could steal his girlfriend away from him. No problem.” You get the idea. Finally, after a lot of... training myself?... I came to accept that no one was talking/thinking trash about me. Most people are too involved in their own lives to bother caring about those outside their own.

I still tend to avoid bars and/or parties unless I am with a group of people I am already comfortable with.

Check Out This Guy

Falling in line with the above, is when people of a group I am hanging out with feel the need to make fun of someone outside of the group. I understand sometimes someone walks into a place wearing this/that and you may share a comment (this makes me wonder if my fear above isn’t justified). Or, sometimes I ad-lib what is happening between a group of people.

Sometimes, though, people can go a bit far with it. Like being loud and calling attention to themselves where the individual they are mocking can hear. I believe they mock loudly just so said individual can hear. We have all experienced this, whether doing it ourselves or witnessing someone — of your group or others — engaging this type of behavior. Sometimes we laugh, at the expense of the poor individual being mocked.

This tends to happen more during the school years. As an adult, I don’t find it very humorous anymore. Maybe having suffered so much from my anxiety worrying about people doing/thinking the same of me, or just “growing up” I’ve come to have a great distaste for it. It can hurt feelings to an extent you’ve no idea, and for what purpose? Garnishing a laugh? I don’t mind — in fact, I love — teasing among friends; sarcasm, ribbing, vulgarity. When it comes at someone’s expense outside of the group, though, I become very uncomfortable.

I suppose it doesn’t matter in which fashion it’s done, discretely or openly, it still perpetuates negativity.

Take a Picture, It Will Last Longer

Staring. This can really creep me out. I don’t care if you are male or female (Or kid — Yeah, I will Me, Myself, & Irene you, punk! Okay, maybe not). I view staring as rude. I just grew up being taught that. Flirty little glances? Go crazy! Dead on, prolonged staring? Go back to Crazy Town!

You Have Really Nice Eyes
Uh... thanks?

Compliments — giving and receiving — can really make me uncomfortable. A lot of times I want to give compliments, but refrain. This is two-fold. One, I don’t want to be someone always dishing out a compliment (though, some women seem to eat it up) like I feel some men do to butter someone up for personal gain. Secondly, what if it is taken badly? What will she think if I say this? What if she thinks I’m stupid? What if it makes her not like me anymore? (I use her a lot, but the same with complementing men applies).

Recently, I gave one of the hardest, most heartfelt, compliments I’ve given someone in a long time. It was supposedly greatly appreciated, but was met with silence for weeks thereafter. Talk about a confidence booster!

As for receiving them, it just revolves around the whole self-reflection/self-love thing. That insecurity always trudging into the path of accepting kindness and love. Not necessarily of accepting it, but believing it (wait, is there a difference?). I never really know what to say. Rarely do I say anything back in return, but “Thank you.” Sometimes I am too uncomfortable to do even that.

Ah well, it can lead to awkward situations, which increases how uncomfortable everyone involved may become.

Do you, or anyone you know, suffer from anxiety? Have you experienced any of the above situations and found them to be uncomfortable? Ever given a compliment only to have it backfire? What makes you uncomfortable?

14 comments:

  1. Yup I have anxiety. You already know that though. I appreciate complements and have learned to just say thank you. Instead of saying something negative about myself to deflect or down play the complement. I still working on not saying sorry so much. Unless I really mean it. Bars and clubs have never been my thing they are too loud. I am actively working on not taking people's negativity personally. I love who I am no more apologises. If someone doesn't like who I am screw em. It is there loss and personal hang ups being reflected.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I recall the anxiety of course. Continue not saying/thinking anything negative about yourself when given a compliment. I actually sometimes downplay it too in reply.

      Agreed on personal hang ups :)

      Delete
  2. oh wow, we should have a support group but I am not sure I would go to the meeting. I have social anxiety but my friends think that i am very outgoing, but only with people I know or if people are there I know...weird, but I think you get it. Even going to the shops 5 minutes down the road can be very stressful.

    I was very bad in receiving or giving compliments, or even physical contact but it got all better over the years, well I still throw out an "uh thanks....I uhm..eh love your nose!" reply occasionally.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww a support group of two wouldn't be fun if I was going alone hahaha

      Sounds like we have a lot of the same anxiety issues.

      Was there anything in the past contributing to the lack of comfort with compliments/affection/physical contact? Maybe a bit personal, if so.

      Delete
  3. We can be great friends here in blogland, but I'm afraid we should never meet. I am a loud laugher.
    I do not have social anxiety, but I don't like bars either. I want to be able to hear the person with whom I'm speaking without yelling. And I'm old. There's that, too. It just isn't fun.
    I get ya with the compliments. Depending on how they are given, I can either be grateful or uncomfortable. With six kids, I get it all the time. The one that bothers me most is when someone says, "You're a better woman than me!" Putting yourself down does not make me feel better about myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I have friends who are loud laughers, and I sometimes can be myself. It all depends on the situations really.

      You are lucky to not have anxiety, that is for sure. There is always that factor of trying to talk (but having to be loud/yell) in those surroundings that never sits well with me.

      Hmm... I hope your children don't turn to the darkside once reaching an age and pull a reversal on ya! I concur about someone putting themselves down doesn't make me feel better, but I think many do that, including myself sometimes.

      Delete
  4. But but but....the dude in the furry vest....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah this is the very situation I was thinking about while writing this. That was a bit of a creepy circumstance haha

      But that was discrete and not blatantly calling him out and making him feel shitty. Though, I think I ad-libbed and we got a nice fiction piece out of it from others in our group.

      Delete
  5. Ugh social anxiety - hear ya there. Sometimes I even get all flustered when in a group of people I know really well. Depends if I'm having a bad self image day or not. Luckily I'm a writer (hint, hint) so i can just play off that I'm taking in character traits of others for my work. At least its a shield.

    As a twenty-something I spent a LOT of time in bars/clubs s I'm used to being in that environment but as far as parties where I know no one/almost no one I get all clammy and panicky most of the time.

    I find that people who pick on other people only do so to shield the world from their own insecurity about the exact same thing in themselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm I don't think I can play off my anxiety as such, though that is a good tactic lol deflection of sorts.

      Usually that is why people do ridicule others. I think we all fall victim to the act once in a while, but some a lot more than others. Some constant. I think includes most acts of negativity.

      Delete
  6. Hey, Jak... you're not a dick.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Number Three... You're not so bad yourself.

      Delete
  7. Extroverted Introvert...I love that :) I can completely relate to this. I can be very outgoing with friends, family, and even strangers, depending on the situation, but I don't do well at parties and such. It's not so much that I'm shy, but I kind of freeze up because of the overstimulation. I'm the same about loud noises, etc. I can only handle so much. Even at parties where I know every person, I don't do as well as if it were a smaller group. I have such a hard time explaining it to people, because mostly it's hard for me to understand it myself!

    As far as the complimenting thing...I used to have a hard time when someone complimented me, and I would find myself trying to convince them why what they said was wrong. But yes, that just comes from how I was feeling about myself. Now I say 'thank you' and accept the compliment for what it is. I've come a long way :) I love to compliment others, though, and have no problem doing that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We could have an even larger support group soon enough as more of our kind comes out of the woodwork! Haha

      I know people who do the freezing things from over stimulation. I, however, am pretty timid/shy.

      I am really glad you've come a long way with your compliment acceptance. I will hopefully get there myself :) And I may be jelly of your ability to dish them out. I get way nervous and embarrassed. It kind of sucks!

      Delete

Oh My Nuts! Leave a message already, would ya?!

Jak Stats