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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

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A to Z 2014 : HESITATION MARKS

(An A to Z 2014 Challenge Entry)

I’ve noticed in the miniscule time that I have been blogging that sometimes I get ideas for topics I feel a strong urge to talk about, but feel I lack the confidence of portraying said ideas accurately. That or they are controversial, and I want to refrain from pissing matches being engaged in the comments. I would hate if people, specifically blogger friends already connected with one another, came to hard feelings over these possible arguments.

On the other hand, if individuals aren’t able to be civil and respectful of one another’s thoughts and opinions, there isn’t a whole lot anyone can do about that. I shouldn’t (nor should you, as I’ve noted others speaking about similar hesitation over topics they wish to talk about) allow the behavior of others to dictate what it is I have the right to express.

Other times, I straight up chicken out. These are usually deeper, more personal topics, that cause me anxiety to even think about, let alone share with others. This is what happened back in my A to Z 2013 : DEMONS post. One of the final subjects of the topic was meant to be discussed later in the challenge. It never was. I’m not even going to claim I will get to it this year. I know better than that.

I’m just glad to be writing. Sure as shit, I had reservations about starting the blog back up after my hiatus. Still do. I’m already beginning to post later and later, becoming distracted by random things, falling behind on blog hopping.

The more prominent it all gets, the more I give pause. The more I give pause, the more opportunity I allow my self-confidence to fall victim to doubt. If my self-confidence falls victim to doubt, it leaves a mark.

Just how deep depends on my ability to accept the inevitable.

What happens, happens. And sometimes you are left with scars as reminders.

Have you ever refrained from posting/talking about a topic you are passionate about due to possible controversy? Due to lacking confidence of portraying it? Have you ever avoided a topic, being too afraid and/or unable to face whatever that subject may be?

13 comments:

  1. I have refrained from posting plenty of times. If I can't say it in the right way, I don't say it. I don't want to be a jerk, so if I can't say something without being a jerk, I don't say it. Also, I have plenty of family members reading, and I don't want to say anything to hurt them.
    I don't see it as being a cop out or lack of confidence. I see it as a way to really think about my ideas and beliefs from a variety of points of view. It helps me to become a more compassionate person. You've read and commented on my post on the most controversial topic I've ever tackled. Abortion. I finally had the words to express what I thought in the right way.

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    1. I definitely avoid saying things if I don't feel I know how to properly convey the message. Then there are times I do anyhow and likely butcher it all to hell.

      I feel there are definitely ways to go about presenting information/opinions/thoughts/beliefs/etc without sounding like a jerk even if the material may be offensive to others. That being said, I try not to allow myself to transform my blog into a venting soapbox when it comes to family affairs. Almost any time I have wanted to post about a personal topic (which was the entire basis of this blog) I let said individuals (who go unnamed) mentioned read it over and I generally am very considerate of their reactions. Most times I never post them up. Not because I'm told not to, but that factor of knowing it may offend friends/family. At the same time I really really hate censoring myself. It's kind of a constant back and forth with me.

      Work rants I've kept very minimal, if any, especially since the past company was connected to Google+ (though not "connected" with me). Just seemed the smart thing to do lol When I went in for a review and my manager was excited I had notes on note cards and commented "You're the writer" I became very suspect that some from the workplace had stumbled upon my blog (possible the fiction one).

      I know you said that was a really hard post, and I'm glad I was able to read it. I thought you did a great job. As you may remember, I have posted only one controversial topic (Rolling Stone Cover) last year. There were many other topics (Sandy Hook for example), though, I avoided, but wanted to talk about/express myself.

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  2. I try to avoid controversy also. I am not much of a debater and tend to shut down when things get dicey. There's nothing wrong with thinking about what you post before you post it, and there's really no reason to feel obligated to share anything about yourself that you don't feel 100% comfortable sharing.

    You can be so hard on yourself! Stop it! LOL. I know that personally, I enjoy reading your posts regardless of the subject matter because you have a knack for making pretty much anything entertaining to read about. Just relax. Try to remember that above all else, you are writing for you, not us. :) Keep up the good work though. I've missed you. (How's that for a mixed message?)

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    1. I tend to love debating, but only if done in a healthy manner. Some people become way too passionate and/or irrational and then all sense of logic just goes out the window and you are left with bitter remarks thrown in each others faces.

      On the not sharing something you are not comfortable with, while true, is kind of against my intent of this blog. Exposing oneself is a difficult task, though.

      I will likely always be hard on myself >.< Thank you for your kind words. I can't recall if you ever read my fiction, but I was always curious what you had thought of it (and I hope to God now, being it's been over a year, I haven't forgotten that you've already spoken about it). I'm happy to know I am able to make some very text heavy hubdrub sound mildly entertaining to some lol

      Yeah yeah yeah - for me, not you. I try remembering that all the time... seems to be working well for me, no? :-)

      And yes, after your message, either you or me (or both) clearly need therapy!

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  3. I hear you. I often don't get too into things (especially online, because it's there forever and people will judge you forever on what you said and stick with it even if your view changes), so I make it a point to look for the good and stick with that. At other times I'll read stuff and think, "geez, lighten up" but it's better to let it go since "people are people, so why should it be that you and I should get along so awfully." Yes, I'm a Depeche Mode fan. :)

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    1. It's true. for the most part it's always embedded and will live on via the internet. It's a shame if having a change of heart/opinion/whatever that you can so unavoidably be tethered to your past. It's definitely not a bad thing sticking to the good. Though, I also feel being able to express yourself, even if others (if not mass majority) may disagree, is very important. It's in these debated and shared thoughts/discussions that others (or yourself) find those "change of mind/heart" moments.

      Part of the problem I may have is when discussing serious things, especially in real life, I try to keep things light-hearted. Some don't understand it. Others despise it heh

      Nothing wrong with Depeche Mode, my friend!

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  4. I want to begin by quoting Dr. Suess, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

    I certainly have held back on posting certain topics that will simply create drama or controversy. And the times I have posted, I did so in the quietest way possible (re: my military belief post in the Blog Every Day in May Challenge last year). Other reasons you include in your post and comments about hurting or offending those closest to you, having your words discovered my current or future employer, and even just general judgments and assumptions made.

    But if it is a topic I care enough about or feel a strong desire to share my opinion, then I do, because frankly we are all entitled to opinions, and in open and honest conversations/discussions, we can actually learn a lot. We might enlighten others, or others enlighten us. And then that controversial topic has connected us to others and perhaps even created change in the world.

    And it is true, those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

    Write on, my love, because I know you have a lot to share with the world.

    Kate at Daily discovery

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    1. I really like the quote. I believe I've heard it before and it seems like sound advice. You can't control the reactions of others and their thoughts and opinion (especially of your own), so don't let them get to you. This can be easier said than done, though. There are those factors mentioned above, and the points you make in your post.

      I recall the more under the radar military post. It's those kind of instances that I think suck, where you feel unable to fully express yourself at the level you wish to. It's a good mixture of worry and compassion that go into hinder yourself.

      The work stuff I just try not to touch. Nowadays a simple Google search can cost you a job (current and new). Let's not get into talking about when they ask for your social media account info... I'd tell them to piss off.

      I agree with everything else. Minus that I have a lot to share with the world bit lol What the nuts?

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    2. No "What the nuts" mister! You do have a lot to share with the world -- words for one, and talent for another!

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  5. I love Kate's wise response.

    I've only recently become more frank on my blog. It was super scary, but I'm getting much braver in revealing those important parts of myself.

    I realized my need to do so after reading very opinionated blogs and *loving* them. For example, "People I want to Punch in the Throat". My husband thinks she's a bitch, but I can't help but adore her. We all have opinions, and I seriously admire those who are able to express them despite the crap people give them over it. That's kind of a goal of mine, to be able to do that openly and without regret or fear.

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    1. I did too :) and I try hard not to be biased!

      That sounds like a very interesting blog. I've never heard of it, though I've recently just started a catch phrase about punching people in the clavicle, but that mainly means one of my brothers.

      I think a lot of times when people have strong opinions and/or are vulgar, people tend to dislike it. Somehow vulgarity nullifies good points being made. On the flip side, My blog is fairly absent of much of the vulgarity that is present say... when I'm gaming. As I said, I think the lack of vulgarity connects with more people, but it's all really just personal preference of the audience. Nothing much you can do about that. My fiction has a good bit of it present.

      I'm rambling, but essentially I'm trying to say that I dislike when people dismiss sound advice/messages if it contains a few (or many) "shit"s and "fuck"s.

      I'm glad you are becoming more open and braver in expressing yourself. It can be very freeing!

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  6. Don't. Stop. Blogging. You are a talented writer. Plus, you write some of the best comments ever (as does Kate).

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    1. Haha thanks, Dyanne, but I can't promise anything! Without the loose prompts of the A to Z (which in the end eventually get barely met) or the "strict" ones of say Blog Every Day in May, it's hard for me to be fully motivated. It's a working under pressure thing. Only, I know there is no real consequence to not posting even during these challenges, so the believability and motivation slips and I post later... and later... and laaaaaater...

      We will see...

      Also, thank you again for your complements.

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