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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

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A to Z 2014 : MOMENTS

(An A to Z 2014 Challenge Entry)

Life is full of moments. Moments of all various sorts.

Scary Moments: You find yourself lost out in the woods and you’ve never watched an episode of Man Vs. Wild or Survivor. Your significant other is “late”... you know what I mean… Your significant other’s pregnancy test comes up positive.

Relieving Moments: Your significant other is “back on track”... You passed an important exam. You swerved just in time to miss a suicidal animal hurling itself across the road.

Happy Moments: Your favorite team just won another game. You found a 10$ bill on the ground. Shit… a 5$ bill. Hell... a 1$ bill. Who am I kidding? A fucken penny… Your significant other’s pregnancy test comes up positive (see, they can overlap).

Embarrassing Moments: Oh My Nuts, my fly has been down this whole time? I hope no one saw me walk into that pole while texting on my phone. Having your pants pulled down as a practical joke while going commando. Being asked how “far along” you are, when not pregnant.

Awkward Moments: Congratulating someone on being pregnant and/or asking when the baby is due, when not being entirely 100% positive said individual is pregnant. Don’t be that person. Ever. Please. Showing up to a Swingers party and expecting it to be a dance-based party (though, bedroom dancing is a thing).

Funny Moments: Every moment shared with me is funny. Except when it’s not…

Defining Moments: You fall in love for the first time. Your first child is born. You survive “fill-in-the-blank” said traumatic/life and death situation. Your parents are murdered and you are left with a massive inheritance and a thirst for justice that will fuel your obsession with vengeance that can only be accomplished while masquerading in a bat suit.

And so on and so forth. There are millions of these moments that exist for each and every one of us. Some positive, some negative.

But then there are moments when you attempt to reheat a steak, egg, and cheese bagel meal from McDonalds, and you come to find it was in the microwave too long and the cheese has gone awry and the sandwich now exists as a hot mess.

Followed by the moment you realize that, unless you wash a fork, the only utensil at your disposal is a spare, plastic spoon from Dairy Queen.

But you have one of those defining moments of realization that your momma didn’t raise no fool.

And you go to town and you make that spoon work...

Do you have specific moments you will never forget? What are some Life defining moments you’ve experienced?

4 comments:

  1. There seem to be a lot of pregnancy related themes in this post. Is there something you are not telling me?!

    Bahahaha, I literally LOL'd when I got to your defining moment of the day. At work. Hilarious. I needed that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, in the attempts at humor, I may have went a little tween-male-centric, but they were meant to be used in both positive and negative lights, in one way or another.

      I'm glad I was able to make you laugh! :-)

      Delete
  2. The good news is your steak, egg and cheese bagel was only a hot mess did not vulcanize in the microwave. That would have changed it from a defining moment to a disappointed moment, because no Dairy Queen spoon would get through a vulcanized bagel sandwich.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is true! I would have been screwed and incredibly hungry if that had occurred. But, I think my body eventually completely rejected that meal... like... hardcore. It was not pleased. At least the vulcanized transformation would have spared me from that!

      Delete

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