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Friday, December 28, 2012


I was delightfully surprised that there weren’t any negative responses (except maybe one over a misunderstanding) to my earlier posting “Into the Grey.” In fact, it was quite the opposite. I had planned to go into more detail at the time, but wanted to better construct that coming section. I can’t say I will succeed, but here is my attempt.

While I may dabble into the shady realms now and again, I feel it is important to point out that I am 100% able, and prefer, to be monogamous. One day I would love nothing more than spending my life, with one individual, building a family. While growing up, it was never anything I was interested in. Marriage? No way! Kids? Screw that! Over time as I... “matured” …I found that those were things I was no longer adamantly against. In fact, I currently feel like I am behind. Very behind. I thought I would already have that family and be living that life with someone special. Alas, here I am.

In the meantime, while single, I find situations conflicting and blurring those morals I retain once entwined with another. Certain factors come into play. I wouldn’t fully call them addictions, but they may be pretty damn close. One of the main being:

Saturday, December 22, 2012



If it is one thing I know, it’s that a weekend without a prophesied Apocalypse makes for a predictable weekend indeed. While there were likely many out partying it up, getting beyond drunk; sleeping with whomever would; and living like there was no tomorrow, I attended a small gathering of 3. The four of us took to the night engaged in a battle of wits and betrayal; Magic the Gathering. It made for a very fun night, as it is every time, with a multitude of shenanigans. It was a late night, not getting home until almost five in the morning, and so I slept through until this afternoon; half the day wasted. Worth it.

I plan to eventually make a blog based on the more “entertainment” aspects of my life; video/card/board games, music, movies, etc. I would like to be more fully engaged in my ability to continually write before doing so, though. So far, there has been decent content for me with my personal blog. As for my contribution to the collaborative blog? That is another story. I wanted to attempt my hand at writing comedy, but I don’t think that will happen. At least, not yet. So I may give some fiction a go; perhaps some more modern or sci-fi pieces. Regardless, I’ve been hung up on it.

So I thought I would instead give a shameless plug for the collaborative blog.

You can find it here: (Sorry, now pretty much defunct)

So far, as semi-promised, there is a mixed variety of styles and topics. Some light-hearted, some disturbingly dark; some personal, others fiction. There even exists some skeevie. I would encourage you to check out the blog. The individuals involved are a unique bunch. Some may even have their personal blogs up for viewing if you so wish. Once I figure out some material, and feel less intimidated by some of the great writing already taking place on the blog, I will get in another entry. Sooner than later. I promise.


Tuesday, December 18, 2012


Today we take a different path. Some consider it the road less traveled. On this journey, the line walked between “right” and “wrong”  is neither distinct nor constant. There exists a flux. In it, black and white dance in unison; now and again the essence of each bleeding into the other. Small, sporadic blotches litter the path, marking our footsteps, left by each decision made. Sometimes there is a blur; a blending leaving us in a wondrous, obscured envelopment of grey. Intermittently throughout life,  I have delved into this realm. Dabbled and played. So, what better place to start than...

The Curse.

Friday, December 14, 2012


PREFACE: This blog was written 11/19/2012 during the midst of NaNoWriMo season. I was going to place it in a collaboratative blog, but felt it was so personal that it would fit best here. Most of my NaNo friends have already read this, but I wanted to share it with others. I should note that, while not on drugs or boozed up, I was listening to Hans Zimmer's "Time" from the Inception soundtrack while writing this. Especially during the second half where things get crazy. I mention this being it seems it has about the same affect on me. On that note I would also like to say, "Fuck you, Hans Zimmer!" That is all. Enjoy.

At this time I am sitting at the Wilde Roast Cafe with a handful of people I would say I consider friends. Some maybe mere acquaintances I won’t see much beyond the month of November. Maybe most of them will fall into that category. I seem to place connections made on a higher level than most do. I guess I feel I make friends easy, but that isn’t to say there aren’t different levels of friendship. Very few ever make it into any kind of personal level with me. Even those on a personal level, who I have known for years and years, know very little about me. I have high school friends that I consider best of friends who know very little.

Why is this?

Tuesday, December 11, 2012


So here I am. My current place in life less than optimal. While I don’t seek perfection, I do seek improvement; growth. Over the span of my life, I have fluxed in regards to self improvement. As I have recently discussed, spiritually I feel I have made some leaps and bounds. In terms of a healthy lifestyle not so much.

My strongest point in life to becoming more active and physically healthy was soon after I ended up in the hospital. There I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Before I had ended up at that point, though, I had worried that the path I was heading down would lead to my death. I specifically told myself that if I got over a certain weight I would get sick, and end up in the hospital, if not die. It was like I was self prophesying; continuing with the same activities that eventually lead me to that very result.

Friday, December 7, 2012


So the year is about to close out. December 21, 2012 is almost upon us, and sadly I no longer believe in the multitude of conspiracies theories I subscribed to when growing up. We will pretend it was when growing up, and not within the past decade. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love me a good conspiracy theory, but come on. So wait... the world isn’t going to end? It will keep on truckin' like it always has? Well it’s a good thing I gave it my all in life, so that I was accomplished and experienced in the vast majority of joys life brings to... wait a second... oh, right... shit...

Fuck me.

Thursday, December 6, 2012


PREFACE: This blog was written some two months ago, and was only partly finished. Instead of picking up where I was while in the moment of writing it, I thought I would break it into two parts.  This should explain the time lapse.

In the beginning...

...Is what the title would be if I were to be starting there. Alas, I am not. We are starting with the “Now.” If I am lucky, that is potentially the middle. Unless my fears of dying at 32 (one of about 3 foretold ages) become a reality. At this time, I am hoping my early days of conspiracy theories and end-of-the-world obsessions are what fueled that magical number. If not, I have roughly 3 months to live. If it is a combination of both? Well then we all have roughly 3 months to live. Sounds fair.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


As the tagline says, this blog is for no one but myself. It is bound to be full of randomness, personal experiences, opinions, and hopefully a smidgen of catharsis. Okay, hopefully a plethora of catharsis. An underlying focus of this blog is to simply get me writing again. It has been far, far too long. Through the years people have kept telling me "Just do it," like a Nike slogan could solve everything, but for me it hasn't been so easy. Whether pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, I ended many nights with a blank page and/or screen. Here is to hoping this format opens the door to Just doing it.

In many ways, I have already begun down the path of writing more. NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month, has just wrapped up. I have known about this yearly event for about five years, but this was my first year of participation. The goal of NaNoWriMo is to write fifty thousand words throughout the month of November. That is roughly 1667 words a day. That daily word count seemed easy, at first, and I started off going above and beyond that. It didn't last, and soon I found myself trailing behind. In the end, with the help, support, and encouragement of friends -old and new- and family, I was able to eventually catch up and reach the 50k mark on the final evening. A full hour and a half to spare. I will go more into my NaNoWriMo experiences in more specific blog entries at a later time.

Blogging has been something I have wanted to for years now, but have never gotten myself to dive into. Even while writing this I have been reading, once again, multiple articles about the best formats and hosts for blogging. I tend to over-analyze things. As it is, the best route to take is to just jump in; akin to my jump into NaNoWriMo. Eventually, I hope to have up a handful of blogs on different topics. Time will tell.

Most of these blog entries will be personal. Possibly emotional. Raw. That seems to the best style I write in. Aside from the desire to write more (and consistently), is the hope of opening up more. Over the years, people have expressed that they don't feel they really know me. I tend to keep to myself and be heavily guarded. With the written word I aim to allow people a closer, more intimate glimpse at what makes me tick.  I am passionate about many things, and sometimes these topics come to the forefront. They will likely be highlighted periodically throughout this blog, and I will be prone to go on and on about them. I am long-winded, so prepare for some occasional walls of text.

TL;DR? Tough shit.  I honestly could care less.

So here I go, jumping right in. Once I get my bearings, I will take a look around and see what's what. By the time I enter out the other side, perhaps it will be "we" and not just "I." If not, that's okay too. Whatever happens, happens.

Jak Stats