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Sunday, January 27, 2013


For a moment there, I was thinking I was about to slip away from this resurgence of writing that I’ve recently acquired. Re-acquired. This would be a shame. I’ve so many things I wish to discuss! So many more random tangents to go on. So much more... rambling.

The last week and a half has been a bit of an inner struggle. A variety of opposing emotions tugging and pulling me in different directions; fighting for dominance over which will ultimately dictate the path I will take.

While things have seem to have steadied out, and calmed–the forces of “good” coming out on top–I can still feel it bubbling inside. The negativity and urges to allow myself to relapse into a state of being from yesteryear. Relapse back into a state I’ve worked so hard to avoid; worked so hard to transcend.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Once upon a time, I had an incredible bout of writer’s block. I will try to pretend that it wasn’t more than a ten year struggle that just recently ended last November. During this time, I was unable to extract the bountiful creations swimming around in my mind. I would think about writing, my writing, all the time. Characters, plots, dialog, etc etc. It was quite maddening; not being able to bring to life my imagination in some tangible fashion.

To those who say writer’s block is a myth, I say: Piss off.

Sure, I can sign on to the various psychological barriers that are self-induced and causes one to be unable to be creatively productive. I get that. Those claiming it is an excuse to be lazy, or that it’s a sign your creative product is shit: Piss-right the fuck-off.

I'm sure I should read the books claiming the latter (and I will eventually) before letting it get me all worked up, but it just comes off to me like a - newly prescribed - jumping on the bandwagon scenario. Perhaps I will sing a different tune once researching more.

I am getting sidetracked, though.

Friday, January 11, 2013


-Like the Changing of Seasons-

Sometimes in life you meet people that you just connect with. These connections can be on various levels. Family, friends, romantic interests, etc etc. There is that pull that opens the pathway to something new. It is almost like you just fall into place. You get a sense of belonging somewhere; it is new and exciting.

It is like that new car smell. Okay, maybe more like the first snowfall of Winter; beautiful.

Monday, January 7, 2013


I originally had an important post lined up to be released today; it is a special day. I decided, however, to go a slightly different route. A route that may result in some backlash, ridicule, and loss of friendship. If lucky, it will result in the opposite as well. This still is an incredibly important entry to me; just of a different nature.

As it were, I began this journey to open up about myself, and offer a glimpse of what makes me tick. There are some murky waters, but also some beautiful panoramic landscapes. I thought to myself: If I am going to do this, I have to dig deeper. I feel I have done that, to an extent, with my “Into the Grey” posts. It can be uncomfortable to admit those secret, questionable desires.

It wasn’t deep enough, though. I had to keep digging. If doing this, I have to do it right.

So I am about to share some things about myself that very few know. I could count them on one hand; I want to say three, but a fourth may have squeezed in there at some point. Vulnerabilities scare the shit out of me, but vulnerable becomes you when you open up. I have been assured I am not crazy, but I still think some of the following builds a strong case for an argument.

So I am going to keep digging. By the time I am done, I may be too deep to get out on my own. Some will have begun to shovel the dirt back over me, while some will offer their hand. One way or another, I will eventually get out.

Somehow I always come back.

Friday, January 4, 2013


I suppose it may seem, from some of my past entries, that I am quite the ladies man. That I have these women, both available and/or taken, wanting a chance to experience The Jak.

“WTF, why does Jak gets all the ladies?” a friend recently asked. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I should take it as a compliment... or insult. It was humorous, nonetheless! I assured them it was nothing more than imaginary.

Another friend likes to call me the Ladykiller. Sounds pretty creepy and serial-killerish. I always have a “story” to tell, and while true, I feel a false impression is made. They apparently believe that women adore me, or some crazy shit like that.

After all the “fluff” shouldn’t I feel pretty badass? Perhaps I really am some lady-magnet?

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